The Art of Taking Responsibility
WARNING: THIS VIDEO/ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME INDIVIDUALS.
(Narrated Version of the Article)
Take responsibility. The trip was supposed to take 382 days, with an elapsed transit time of 147. These are the first things we learn as the game begins, with the final text being, “I hope this hurts.”
I hope this hurts lingers on the screen long after the text has faded away, sitting patiently in the space between you as the player, and the game itself. This is before it glitches away into the text:
This is the introduction to the game Mouthwashing (2024), released earlier this year on the gaming platform Steam. This is an obscure opening to a video game, leaving the player with many questions. The most prevalent one is the story design. We are beginning this story 0 days before the crash (one of the central conflicts of the narrative), which implies we are sitting at ground zero.
The pilot, who, in this opening cut-scene, is unnamed, is given a warning that, 21 AU away, an unknown object or vessel has drifted into the path of the freighter, and you are told that you should steer left to avoid any potential danger. This is the beginning of your responsibility—or lack thereof—as Jimmy, our main antagonist. Instead of steering left as asked, you only have one choice: steer right instead. Steer right into the object and cause the ship to crash. You steer right, and the ship attempts to correct your “mistake” by engaging the autopilot and docking your pay for the error. You don’t care, however. You unlock an electrical box, insert the autopilot disengage key, and slowly walk away, beginning what will quickly become your undoing—a lack of responsibility.
Now I want you to stop and think about something for a minute. Remember back in your life…a few days, a week or two, even a couple of years. Think of a specific instance where you were a perpetrator who avoided taking responsibility for something due to the consequences. It could be any number of reasons. I could tell you one right now. I avoided confessing that I stole twenty dollars from my parents as a child. I lied and said it simply went missing. I never took responsibility for that. But I’ve confessed about it now, in a laughable tale as a young child. An unserious occurrence, sure, but still my point stands.
This is where the true beauty of Mouthwashing finds itself grounded. Characters who don’t know how to take responsibility for their actions. They are mismatched individuals transporting unknown goods (later revealed to be copious amounts of mouthwash) after a crash. They are the only remaining survivors. Jimmy, Anya, Swansea, Daisuke, and Curly are those 5 survivors, in a story that is told entirely out of order, leaving viewers and players alike confused and questioning the very reality of the game they are playing/watching.
Mouthwashing is a dark game, and that is how I want to handle this article. This isn’t some flimsy confession about love or the deep internal dissection of love in this game. This article is going to be different theme-wise from the other pieces you’ve read from me so far. Through the story’s development, the world of Mouthwashing builds itself around the lack of accountability of all the characters, leading to no one truly making it out alive. In Mouthwashing, there are no winners. Five survivors are alone with no guidance, trying to make sense of their situation. Make no mistake, these are not their worst moments.
In this piece, I want to look at the art of taking responsibility among Jimmy, Swansea, and Curly and how all of us could benefit from understanding how refusing to take accountability creates a culture of acceptable negligence when wrongdoing occurs, which can lead to the lack of an effective solution.
As I stated, Mouthwashing is not a light-hearted game. This article will be diving in-depth into dark themes: sexual assault, alcoholism, suicide, and other trauma-induced psychological effects. Please take the necessary measures for yourself to feel comfortable reading/listening to this article.
Chapter 1 – Jimmy
Chapter 2 – Curly
Chapter 3 – Swansea
Chapter 4 – Conclusion
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Chapter 1 – Jimmy
I’ve pondered this subject so many times that I have lost count. “Where do I begin?” is the biggest question I hear constantly echoing in my head. This game has a depth that I don’t think I understand entirely, even after watching it three or four times, but I want to tackle it with a fresh perspective.
The
narrative functions of Mouthwashing make it play out like something Quentin
Tarantino created—that out-of-order, confusing, and non-linear progression—like
Pulp Fiction back in 1994. The game will glitch out whenever the player
is to progress onto the next major story point; a disorientating feature not
far from your computer blue-screening and horrifying you.
This is where we start: Jimmy.
If you read my article about cycles and positive growth, then you need to know
that Jimmy is the direct opposite of positive growth. He lives in toxic cycles,
aware of the consequences of his lack of responsibility but ignorant and
continually rejecting what’s happening before him. He constantly believes that
he can “fix it,” but every time, it’s just too late.
It makes you think, “Are you even trying, Jimmy?” In every situation, Jimmy puts himself above the importance of keeping his crewmates well. It’s this sense of importance and lack of responsibility that leads you to the opening scene, where he is crashing the Tulpar. As I mentioned, the story is non-linear, so I might mess something up; forgive me if so. Curly, the captain of the ship before he is crippled by the crash, reveals early to the crew that once their mission is done, they will be jobless, as the Pony Express will be shutting down.
After receiving the news, Curly decides it is fair to tell the rest of the crew about the situation. The unfortunate thing about this is, that it happens as the crew decide they want to throw the only birthday party allotted to them during their time of transport. Sitting in front of the birthday cake, Curly dumps the information, to which Jimmy responds harshly, verbally assaulting and insulting Curly, though it isn’t his fault. This information reveals Jimmy’s innermost character—unsettled and deeply disturbed. What would follow not long after would be a gruesome scene where Jimmy and Curly are sat at a table with a cake familiar with the one just previously mentioned.
Here, Jimmy aims to find a knife to cut the cake. The only twist, the knife is an axe wedged in the cockpit chair. At this point, all eyes are on Jimmy as the ship’s screens have turned into eyeballs, all closely watching his every move—symbolism of how Jimmy feels about being the new captain due to Curly’s injuries from the crash. He feels the weight of his responsibility in the shadow of Curly’s numerously mentioned successes as captain.
His breakaway from the story is his innermost thoughts manifesting in a way that gets revenge on Curly, denies responsibility for his actions, and shows the lengths he’s willing to go to get his way. This is further solidified when he returns to the cake—now replaced by Curly, lying flat on the table—and takes a swing before the screen glitches, and the narrative moves on.
We all know someone in our lives with traits similar to Jimmy's. Someone who refuses to take accountability and responsibility for the things they do; small or large, they deny it regardless. But what do you do when every action someone takes has a massive consequence for everyone else? I mean, they are stuck floating in space until they reach their destination. There isn’t much anyone can do against their supervisor and “captain.”
Well, let’s talk about Jimmy’s responsibility towards Daisuke, Swansea, and Anya. As players approach the end of the game, they will find out through a series of flashbacks before the crash that Jimmy had sexually assaulted Anya, and she had told Curly about it. Naturally, this is yet another thing Jimmy refuses to take ownership of, revealing once again his inner character and just how horrible of a person he can be. The sad thing is that you can’t even tell this is what’s going on before, over halfway through the game, when Anya starts revealing more clues about it subtly.
It goes on to reveal just how hard it is for a woman to open up about this kind of trauma, especially when she is the only woman in a crew of 4 other men who won’t truly understand the weight of her situation. At the same time, since Curly knew about it, the fault fell on him for not stepping up to Jimmy and making him take accountability for his actions. Anya felt that she would not be safe with Jimmy around and wanted to be away from him. However, none of the other men on the ship (except for Swansea, whom I’ll cover soon) would have the guts to approach and stand up to Jimmy, especially with Curly out for the count.
Jimmy is genuinely one of the most remarkable representations of someone who neglects to take responsibility for their actions and would rather blame the circumstances, environment, and other factors for what occurs. This could also be said about his suggestion to Daisuke to rescue Anya, where Daisuke must crawl through a dilapidated vent, critically wounding himself, to find out that Anya is already dead. He realizes he has no antiseptic, as he used it to roofie Swansea’s drink, so he tries the mouthwash, which infects the wound. This would later lead to Swansea putting Daisuke down.
Again, Jimmy believes he can do something here to stop the tragedy, avoiding the responsibility of the situation that he just got Daisuke injured and killed. He blames Swansea for killing him but does not blame himself for making Daisuke risk his life. Jimmy’s horrible choices impact the whole crew, and with everyone’s eyes on him, he has to take responsibility in one way or another.
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Chapter 2 – Curly
Ex-Captain Curly, now bound to what will essentially be his death bed, is not innocent either from a lack of taking responsibility. Curly’s job as captain is to protect his crew and keep them safe; however, being unable to save his ship from the crash, being unable to help Anya, and being unable to stop Jimmy all fall on his shoulders as things he cannot accomplish, leading to changes in the story and a lack of responsibility that needs to be addressed.
I want to start with Curly not supporting Anya or stopping Jimmy, even after being in the know. Curly could’ve taken action to separate Jimmy from Anya, as she expressly tells Curly that she does not feel safe around him. However, this does not happen, and as we know from playing Jimmy, they interact often, and each interaction is more and more awkward than the last. The sad thing about this situation is that Jimmy is in a position of power. He is Curly's co-pilot and works closely with him. Dividing the crew on a trip like this is a risk, and it shrinks the crew more, with Jimmy unable to help.
When Curly goes to approach Jimmy, he approaches the situation very nonchalantly, not leaving much room for players to feel anything but anger at both Curly and Jimmy. At the same time—from Anya’s perspective—having Curly approach and demand an apology or berate Jimmy might leave Anya feeling afraid that Jimmy would continue to harass her even more because she said something. It’s difficult for Curly to take responsibility here, but that does not excuse him from doing virtually anything at all. He is still responsible for ensuring Anya is cared for and protected from harm.
Another reason that Curly should take responsibility should be for giving Jimmy the power of co-pilot, as well as leaving the emergency override key just available for anyone to access. The primary reason that Curly ends up mangled is due to Jimmy's actions, but he needs to realize that this is something he could’ve avoided. There must have been some knowledge of Jimmy’s volatility well before now.
Jimmy’s explosion during the birthday scene should’ve been a stern indicator that his “psych eval” was fabricated so he would not seem any less qualified for his position. Curly must also take responsibility for covering Jimmy and filling in “good” on his evaluation results when he knows how abusive Jimmy can be.
It’s challenging to look at Curly as his character and the actions he makes as his own and not as a direct result of other characters. Most of the instances of responsibility for him rely on his poor handling of situations with others. In most situations, Curly gives Jimmy the power to be the bad guy, enabling and allowing him to do what he pleases. It’s a dangerous and unchecked exhibition of power that leads to more suffering than necessary.
Curly’s debilitated existence stands as a reminder to Jimmy of all the ways he has failed. The sad thing about this is that Curly repeatedly tries to take responsibility and be a good captain. Most of the individuals aboard—even Swansea—praise Curly for his leadership and trust Curly more than Jimmy. But on each of these occasions where Curly tries to be the better man, it backfires and leads to something else that maybe could’ve been avoided had the approaches to solutions been different or if Jimmy did not possess the power—enabled and empowered by Curly—to do what he pleased.
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Chapter 3 – Swansea
This is one of the saddest pieces of this game: Swansea’s story. Swansea was the ship’s mechanic who took on Daisuke as an intern right before the Tulpar took off. He’s older and would probably see this job as his last one.
Swansea’s responsibility is visible in a few ways; each is sadder than the last. Swansea first realizes he has to take responsibility for the axe, guarding the ship’s foam where the risk of damage could jeopardize the mission. Upon discovering the mouthwash, he must also take responsibility for Daisuke and his breaking of sobriety. Lastly, he has to take responsibility for the sad and completely heartbreaking death of Daisuke. Swansea may have been a stubbornly drunk old man, but there was no denying he wanted to do his best to see the mission through.
When discussing the axe, he wanted to maintain control so that he could take responsibility for breaking the foam and getting what they needed from the sealed-off areas of the ship. He explicitly states that he trusts Curly more than he would ever trust Jimmy, and we know from the start of the game that he considers Daisuke nothing more than a hindrance in the process of his job. Because of these reasons, Swansea protects himself and his crewmates, even if it comes off as angry and selfish.
Swansea tries to take responsibility for his actions, even if it isn’t the best way. At the same time, his fatal flaw is his selfishness, guarding a room supposedly full of foam, only to become drugged by Jimmy so that he finds it was never full of foam. This revealed that Swansea was hiding a cryostasis pod for himself, implying that if anyone had a right to it, it was him. Swansea’s initial selfishness is his most significant character flaw.
Once the crew discovers the mouthwash, Daisuke and Swansea are the most heavily affected. As someone who does not drink and has no intentions of doing so whenever able, watching Swansea break his sobriety on this mission struck a different note for me.
Something about that was so soul-crushing. Not only was their first captain utterly disabled due to the crash, but the remaining crew found that the product they were risking their lives for was something as simple as a mouthwash. Perhaps the mouthwash is a metaphor for the human need to continue pursuing endeavors to the ends of the world if it means accomplishing a simple goal. The goal, in this case, would be safely delivering the mouthwash.
Regardless, that breaking of sobriety is something that Swansea takes pride in, but it sticks with him for the remainder of the trip. We quickly realize how much mouthwash Swansea is drinking, and at the end of the game, we find out that he had alcoholism before getting on the ship. It is mentioned that he had settled down and got married. Whether things ended in divorce, that much we’re not given.
It takes a massive toll on Swansea, whether he wants to admit it or not. Additionally, he has to watch as his intern falls under the same spell as him. This entire middle portion of the game becomes hard to watch as you see Daisuke lying face first with a bottle of mouthwash that he asks you to take as he monologues about his past.
Swansea’s responsibility has to be split between keeping the ship running and looking after Daisuke. He has to take responsibility for his selfishness and his fall back into alcoholism, even if it is hard for him to do so. This leaves the saddest part for last: Daisuke dying and Swansea’s responsibility for killing him.
Jimmy asks Daisuke to go into the sealed-off med bay to try to bring Anya—who has locked herself in there—out and see what is wrong. Because of this, Jimmy sends someone else to do his work instead of doing it himself, and Daisuke gets mortally injured. At this point, Daisuke’s wound could become infected if not treated. With no adequate medical supplies remaining, the crew realizes the dire nature of the situation after noticing Anya had killed herself via overdose on oxycodone.
Swansea quickly acknowledges the situation, pointing out Jimmy’s ignorance and his failure to try and “fix” things. To take responsibility and avoid Daisuke enduring any more pain, Swansea takes the axe from before, lifts it over his head, and swings it down, striking Daisuke and effectively ending his life.
In one of the hardest-to-watch scenes of the game, Swansea takes responsibility for all of his actions leading up to this point and does what Jimmy never could. After this, the game devolves into more feverish moments, where we learn the truth about the crash and Jimmy’s actions, noting that he crashed the ship because Curly found out about what he did to Anya and knowing that he would never get his life back once the trip was over. The game responds by bringing all the dead crewmates back and sitting at the table, with Curly lying on it again. Jimmy cuts Curly’s leg off, commenting once again about Curly’s legacy, which then leads to a top-down shot of all the bodies lying there, dead, and Jimmy talking to himself with Curly’s leg on each of their plates.
Once all is said and done, Jimmy crawls through vents and dilapidated and hallucinated pieces of the Tulpar to reach Swansea tied to a chair. Using the gun, he grabbed earlier, Jimmy and Swansea fight in a different dimension, which—once it's over—returns to the hold where the two of them are, right before Swansea monologues about his past. Once he finishes talking, Jimmy embraces the man he knows he is and kills him, ending Swansea’s responsibility and his trip aboard the Tulpar.
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Chapter 4 – Conclusion
For Daisuke and Anya, their lives and how they participate in the actions here on the Tulpar do not necessarily align with a lack of responsibility or taking responsibility. If I were to mention them here, I would most likely say that Anya’s way of taking responsibility would be telling Curly about her sexual assault and then taking her own life before Jimmy could do anything else to her, Curly, or the ship. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to open up about something like this, especially when you are in a position where your abuser can still abuse you.
In Daisuke’s situation, his responsibility comes after he makes a name for himself. This was one of his first missions, if not his first. He had the expectations of many people riding on him, specifically Swansea, Jimmy, and his Mother. It was not easy for him to find his footing, especially since Swansea and his Mother believed so firmly that he was incapable of doing simple things. It was sad for Daisuke to go out with other hands (Jimmy and Swansea), but it showed that he had an unwavering spirit that wanted to do the right thing—rescue Anya from the med bay. While he may not have had the most talent, he still did what he could aboard the Tulpar.
The rest of the crew has different responsibilities. Their actions are intertwined, and some are direct results of each other. At the end of the game, when Jimmy puts Curly into the cryostasis pod and kills himself off-screen with the visible flash and audible gunshot, it’s his way of taking responsibility for everything that happened. Curly didn’t have as much of a hand in destroying the crew; it was primarily Jimmy. Jimmy knew that he could never live up to the standard of a captain that Curly had set. He knew that after what he had done to Curly, he could genuinely repent by giving up something of equal value, giving Curly a chance to be rescued, and explaining what had happened.
Maybe what Swansea said to Jimmy stuck with him, saying that Jimmy should get in the cryo pod and tell whatever story he wanted when he got rescued. Maybe that was a point for Jimmy when he realized his actions on the Tulpar were serious and unfixable. Polle, the Pony Express mascot, also represents Jimmy's guilt, manifesting through actual conversations and mutated appearances throughout the game. Polle sometimes duplicates and will spontaneously appear through the countless posters plastered all over the walls of the Tulpar, seemingly following Jimmy.
Regardless of everything else, this game is about taking responsibility for your actions against other people. It is about making things right and doing the hard stuff even when no one is watching. Jimmy is the exact foil to this idea, removing the blame from himself and assisting in creating a neglectful culture among the men—except for Swansea, who tells Jimmy what he learned from Anya.
As Swansea says to Jimmy, a captain must go down with his ship. This is something we know to be accurate as a maritime tradition that has now reached the culture of other voyages across time. In a way, Jimmy has gone down with his ship like Curly did. Curly, who led with permissiveness and a lack of firmness, lives on in the cryo pod, living in a passive sleep, while Jimmy, as the “captain,” takes his own life, leaving the Tulpar unmanned and awaiting discovery.
Taking responsibility for our actions is something that we all need to learn how to get better at. Being honest and upfront about our mistakes is the only way to grow as humans. Our race is far too divided to try and waste time by not telling the truth and holding ourselves accountable for our mistakes. In Jimmy’s case, he hit a point of no return, and his guilt/grief ensured that he would feel in the end every action he took against his crew. In the same way that the game started, Jimmy’s consciousness reaches out to him from inside of himself, whispering softly and only for a moment, “I hope this hurts,” and it did.
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